The 3 Mentoring Keys

Small Acts >
Big Gestures

Mentoring Key #1

Authenticity >
Pretending

Mentoring Key #2

Questions >
Answers

Mentoring Key #3

Mentoring Key #1

Small Acts > Big Gestures

You might be thinking:

“I’m too busy. I don’t have enough time to be a real mentor.”

Here’s the truth:

Adults with full lives often make the best and most interesting mentors for young people.

Practice small acts more than grand gestures. Here are five everyday acts that fuel Simple Mentoring.

  • We know one mentor and student who play a game of chess after church. Quirky? Yes. And memorable. What’s your thing?

  • Of course, you won’t remember everything a young person shares with you, but keeping a few notes can go a long way toward reconnecting the next time you talk.

  • Find a way to serve together, either by bringing them into what you're already doing or by joining what they're doing.

  • Add their important dates to your calendar. Look for ONE thing you can attend, like a game or a play, and get it on your calendar. Then show up and cheer!

  • Whatever you’re already doing – whether it’s errands or a run – add a student or two, and make it an opportunity to connect.

Mentoring Key #2

Authenticity > Pretending

You might be thinking:

“I don’t know what to do or say around young people.”

That’s OK.

Be you.
Be curious.
Be present.

Be authentic instead of pretending. Here are five tips to listen empathetically.

  • Phrases like, “Wow, that’s so hard,” or “It sounds like you felt really sad” show you’re paying attention.

  • For example, “I hear you saying you were pretty confused by what happened. Is that right?”

  • But don’t say you completely understand or identify with theirs.

  • Avoid referencing their friends, siblings, peers, or anyone else. Comparison dissolves empathy and stifles trust.

  • Hold space and time for silence, even if it’s a little awkward. One helpful reminder is W.A.I.T. — an acronym for Why Am I Talking? When you’re tempted to respond quickly, give advice, or take over the conversation, remind yourself to W.A.I.T.

Mentoring Key #3

Questions > Answers

You might be thinking:

"I’m not spiritual enough to make a difference. I don’t know how to have deeper conversations with young people.”

Let’s talk about it:

Being spiritual isn’t nearly as important as being a real human on a real journey toward faithfully following Jesus.

Ask questions more than you give answers. Here are five ways to channel the power of a good question.

  • God is not going to be angry or annoyed by their wonderings.

  • Pause. Leave some awkward silence. Follow Jesus’ example and answer the question with a question.

  • Sometimes it's best to ask teenagers to think more about it or to research questions on their own.

  • Talk openly about the questions you've grappled with on your faith journey.

  • Teenagers need to wrestle with ideas, stories, and beliefs as they are forming faith.